Friday, January 6, 2012

"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own"

Let me tell you: working only part-time, being a pharmacy student (pharmacy school tuition is super expensive!), being broke, having student loans, planning a traditional (= costly) Polish wedding; all while being relatively financially independent can be quite stressful and worrisome.Yes, I still live under my parents' roof and they provide me with food and other necessities, but I'm completely on my own as far as paying for school, my car, and our wedding expenses. We haven't really spent any real money on the wedding yet, except a small deposit at the banquet hall we booked. I haven't faced the burden of my student loans yet except the relatively small out-of-pocket co-payments I have to make each quarter. ALL OF THIS, plus the BAD ECONOMY and the fact that the job market for pharmacists in Chicago is very, very, very, saturated really tends to worry me....A LOT. There are constantly the "what if" questions, if you know what I mean. "What if I can't find a job after I graduate and I'm stuck with thousands of dollars of loans, unable to pay them off?" "What if people don't show up to our wedding and it ends up costing us much more than we expected?" "Will Greg and I be able to afford to move in together after our wedding?"  Even stupid questions like "What obstacles is mine and Greg's future marriage facing? Will we be able to overcome them?" Those are the "macro" worries. Now, there are also the daily anxieties, or the "micro" worries about exams, grades, work, money, family, and minor/meaningless arguments with my fiance.

What's the conclusion???

I..or shall I say WE, people, WORRY A LOT. 

I'm sure I'm not the only person with a thousand things on my mind, constantly thinking into the future, instead of enjoying the present. Why do we do that? The future is not in our control! I have to constantly remind myself that my future and my whole entire life, including my future marriage and future career--that NONE of it is in MY HANDS--but rather, it is all in GOD'S HANDS. It doesn't matter what I do and even how hard I work. Yes, God rewards those that work hard and do their part. God expects us to do our part and whatever we cannot accomplish by ourselves, He will help. Certainly, working hard brings success, because it is pleasing to God.  But that's not the point. No matter what I do, the future isn't mine to control or determine! Even if I work super hard and graduate pharm school with a 4.0 GPA--that does not mean that I will find a job. Yes, it will make me a much more competitive job candidate, but on its own, it will not find me a position! (Basically: "In vain do the builders labor if the Lord does not build the house") No matter how much I worry today, what difference does it make tomorrow? Everything happens according to His Will. So if God wants to bless me with a job, then a pharmacist I shall be! I have learned this lesson over and over again in my life, but I keep messing up and making the same mistake of being anxious about my future over and over again. Of course, God understands us. But it shows that we do not trust Him with our life. We need to understand that God does not give us challenges or tasks for which we do not have the ability, knowledge, or strength to accomplish. As long as we are doing the best we can with what we have, then He will do the rest! He already knows our troubles and anxieties! And He would feel much better if we would just place our trust in Him and stop worrying what tomorrow will bring. If He provided for us today, He will provide for us tomorrow, and next year, and in 10 years--until He calls us home.

One of my favorite scriptures that I have to keep re-reading over and over, otherwise I forget...

“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?
But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."
 -Matthew 6

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