Sunday, January 5, 2014

An Attempt to Change my Introvert Self for 2014



God said:
"Love your God.....
And love your neighbor as yourself..."


Sometimes I feel like I act like I'm too holy, too cool for people...if you know what I mean.
Like everyone who is not a devout Catholic is not even worth my attention.
Like they must just be plain dumb to not see all the evidence that points to the Truth.
But what I don't think about is how difficult it is to be a Catholic.
To even become a believer in the first place -
- a believer of an apparently extremist, oppressive, fairy tale religion.
And what it took for me to get to where I am today spiritually.

Yet I judge everyone as being"brainwashed by the culture and by the media" and thus not even worth my time. I'd rather spend my time delving deeper into my beautiful faith and spending time with God.

That has been my general attitude in 2013.

Yup, I am a big introvert...which I know is part of my nature and I can't really change that, but I can still work on being more social and more loving.


I have been just a little too selfish and too comfortable in my own little world. In our own little world. Just the hubby and I...comfortable in our beautiful and cozy little house. Too comfortable to be by myself...with just my books..and my studying...and the golden silence and peace of our home. Too comfortable in the sphere of my Catholic books, blogs, and pouring my feelings into the pages of my journal.

As an introvert, I don't need very much to be happy. I don't need fancy dates or wild parties. In fact, my perfect weekend is spent in our home, on the couch, cuddled up with my husband under a blanket, watching a movie and enjoying some good food. I have been so, so overwhelmingly happy with my new life situation. My heart has literally been overflowing with joy and gratitude about my new husband, house, and being a newlywed. I see God in every part of our life together and I don't need much beyond that - therefore - I have not really been relying on people very much...or being a very good friend to people...or a good family member, even.

Don't get me wrong.
I would consider myself as a very kind person.
I like to help people out, I like to talk to people about significant things (just can't stand meaningless mouth yapping and excessive noise - I need to be able to hear my own thoughts and hear God in my heart).
But I have been keeping people at a distance for some reason.
I have not been the best daughter, sister, or friend. I have been just a little bit too focused on myself, on my own little world of comfort, just a little bit too unloving toward some of the closest people to me that deserve to be loved and paid attention to just a bit more on my part. Sometimes I feel like I can be nicer and more compassionate toward a random stranger (ex: a patient that comes to our pharmacy) than a family member or a friend.

It probably seems to everyone like I am antisocial or that I don't like them.

So how can I evangelize if I'm  perceived as antisocial???
What's the point of acquiring so much knowledge about the church and the faith and the world...putting as much time as I do into reading Catholic books, blogs, articles, news... if I can't share all of this to make an impact in someone's life???

In 2014 therefore, my resolution is to embrace people.
Like Pope Francis has been asking us to do. And Pope Benedict. And Pope John Paul II.




All I have been doing is receiving from God.
Now I must GIVE back.
I must let His love shine through me and touch the hearts of other people, especially those people that are already so close to me, within my reach.

I am ready to begin this new work in my life.
So help me God.

Amen.

Agnes

1 comment:

  1. Great plans!
    Yet I find it always most difficult to love those who are the closest to me. Sometimes it is easier to be kind to strangers, just as you wrote.
    May God help you in reaching your goal :)

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