Monday, February 17, 2014

Post Marital Bliss Part Two: 6 months later...

"A Reflection in Response to the Marital Joy and Bliss 
I've Been Feeling in My Heart for the past few months 
of being a Newlywed" Part 2
 (Read Post Marital Bliss Part 1 here)

(I figured it was time for a marriage update since TODAY marks our 6 month-a-versary of marriage)



It has been a while since I wrote a long, well thought out post (other than 7 Quick Takes linkups and other random updates), but that is because I have instead been cooking a lot for my husband, studying hard for school, and of course, living the Christmas spirit! Christmas was beautiful. My confession before Christmas was truly amazing...and lately, when I receive Christ's body into my heart in Communion, He showers me with soooo much love that I cannot help the tears from flowing. I literally have to stop myself from becoming so emotional because I don't want to be crying in church. But He just touches me so deeply - it is an indescribably beautiful feeling. The fact that Christ gives me HIS REAL, LIVING, MOST HOLY BODY as food and His blood to flow through my veins is priceless and incredible. Life, in general, has been priceless and incredible for the past few months! I mean it. 
I absolutely love married life! I love it and I was made for it! I know I was.  
MARRIED LIFE IS MY VOCATION, no doubt, no question about it. 

And these past few months - we honestly could not be happier in our vocation, in our married life. I am not exaggerating when I say that lately, I have been treasuring and appreciating every day, every moment! Every day, I pray and I am filled with joy, peace, and this indescribable GRATITUDE to God for blessing me with such deep, profound, and true joy that I find right inside my home, right inside my heart.

I know, I know: 
We're "freshly married and still living on the honeymoon high"...you all may say
And we "don't have kids yet and life is oh so easy and blissful"...you may say

But no...I do not think those are the reasons why we are so incredibly happy in our lovely, fresh marriage.  We are called to it and we know this. We are called to lifelong union, so we might as well enjoy it and shower each other with love and affection, and care, and good humor. We might as well make each other's life easier by helping the other out...since we are a TEAM...a forever team.
So we have been doing just that. Simple acts of love and kindness. Getting the chore done first, before the other person gets to it - to make their life a little easier, a little more enjoyable. Cooking for the other person if they are not at home, and cooking together when we are at home together. Cleaning up after ourselves and also after the other if he/she does not get the chance to do it. Greeting each other with excitement, rather than indifference, when we come from work. Not nagging. Not complaining. Not talking badly about each other. Especially in front of others! (That's always a no-no in marriage). Bringing each other up, rather than putting each other down. Letting feelings of anger pass before we really speak or do anything we might regret. 




We have faced a good few challenges in our young marriage...but even with those challenges, our marriage thus far has been something out of a dream. 

The very first challenge in our marriage was the fact that, having waited so many years (we started dating at 16 years old [me] and 19 years old [him] and got married at 22 and 25), we had to abstain through ALL 8 days of our honeymoon because I was in my fertile phase. I believe this was a special trial, a type of "final crunch", from God, to see if we would remain faithful to chastity, even after marriage. But the honeymoon challenge shall come as a whole another blog post...because I want to remember this special time and the way we felt forever and ever.

The second challenge was the fact that for the first 3 months of our marriage, my husband worked night shifts. That means he left the house about 3:30pm and did not get home until around 3AM. I am a full time 3rd year pharmacy student Monday through Friday, and on Saturdays, I work a 10 hour shift as a pharmacy intern. So those first few months were tough because we were so excited about being husband and wife and oh-so-in-love, yet we didn't really get to enjoy each other's company because we had completely opposite schedules. And the nights? Oh the lonely nights! How many times have I been hit with loneliness and sadness because my beloved husband was not there to cuddle and fall asleep with. And the fact that we were good kids and abstained all 7 years of our relationship and reserved sex for marriage (the only place it belongs) - and now I had to study hard, alone, work hard, alone, and sleep in our marital bed - also - ALONE. It was pretty heartbreaking. 

Not having your new amazing loving husband by your side when you want him and need him was challenging enough. And then came NFP. That was yet another challenge in our young marriage. I had to self-teach myself NFP in the period between finishing up 2nd year of pharmacy school (May) and our wedding day (August). That was not easy. It was confusing. But I kept at it. Then after the wedding day, it got real. I really had to adjust to making daily observations of my body and taking my daily morning temperatures. I adjusted to it surprisingly easily and kept paper charts as well as plugged my info daily into a very good app (OvuView) - and with each consecutive month, I was  becoming more and more amazed at how accurately my own bodily observations and data tracking predicted my ovulation day and the day of my next menstrual period (But again, this is a topic for a whole another post..coming soon). So observing and charting and adjusting was not too bad. What was hard was the combination of working opposite schedules with my husband and using NFP...Not only not seeing or sleeping with my husband, but when the weekend came and we were actually TOGETHER and on the same schedule, I was in my fertile phase. This only happened once or twice, but it was still pretty darn hard to keep my hands off my new husband (whom I've been dreaming of making love to for the past ~6-7 years ) ;-)

And then came some other minor challenges. Basically the added duties/chores of being a wife and living on your own, outside of your parents' house, who previously, did everything for you (God Bless 'em!). But I don't know if I can even call them challenges, because I actually enjoy my new "housewife" duties. But basically, before marriage, it was just me + pharmacy school  (studying took like 90% of my free time). Then, all of a sudden it was me + pharmacy school + cooking + cleaning + laundry + working more (since we have bills to pay for) + caring for the new hubby & new house. But I am complaining here at all: I wouldn't trade this new life for the world! I love keeping my husband fed and the house clean, because it puts a smile on his face. I do it for him and that's what motivates me. And my husband does do his share of chores too, as I mentioned way above, which I really appreciate.


So even though we had some early marriage challenges, I can still say this with confidence:

Married life is amazing.

I am cherishing every moment of being a newlywed because I know that we will never get to experience life quite like this: freshly married; just the two of us; not a worry in the world; living in a beautiful, clean and organized house; having the time to cook great homemade meals regularly; and getting the occasional kick out of remembering that "hey - we are married!" "we're husband and wife!"

When God finally decides to begin our vocation of parenthood, our whole world will be turned upside down. Everything about our routine and our peaceful, blissful life will change.
But it will be a change for the better...
Because God will make it happen at the right time.
Not the "right time" as according to us, but at His own timing....which will be perfect.

And even if it will be hard to adjust to this new world-turned-upside-down, to the new routine, responsibilities, duties, and challenges, I know that what comes from God is always the BEST thing for us at THAT particular moment. 

And if there is turmoil in our hearts...and perhaps tension in our marriage, God will silently remind us:   

"BE STILL AND KNOW THAT I AM GOD" (Psalm 46:10)


And it will all pay off when I get to hold my baby and look into his/her eyes and know that this is HIS doing...and ours too. And I'll be proud of us and thankful to the Lord.







6 comments:

  1. Agnes, what a beautiful post! Thank you for being so real and honest. I pray that I too can find the man I'm called to live that wonderful vocation with. It sounds like God has truly blessed you & given you the grace to climb those mountains placed in your path!

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  2. Thank you Lianna! I hope that through being real and honest, I can perhaps inspire someone or help the Lord to lead someone onto the right path. I myself have strayed for some of my youth years, so I would be glad to point someone in the right direction. There is so much evil in the world, it's very hard not to fall into the devil's traps...our culture is completely soaked in them. And I am sure that if you keep praying, God will definitely put a wonderful man on your path!!! God bless!

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  3. This is such a touching post, as I am a newlywed, too! I've experienced so many of the same things -- except maybe I'm working on my bad moods and pettiness, which have certainly hurt my husband a time or two. Thank God for confession and forgiveness from holy husbands.

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    1. I have hurt my husband in a lot of ways too....especially with words though. Got way too many flaws to work on! But Yes, thank God for a good hubby that understands and instead of responding with anger and/or sadness, he responds with love. And that teaches me love and forgiveness.

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  4. There are so many good things to appreciate in your post. I am going through that nfp learning curve as well. That you are trying and succeeding in living rightly I find very inspiring.

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    1. Thank you! Living with NFP is certainly challenging, but it so sooo worth it. I would never want to live the lie of contraception!

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