Monday, February 24, 2014

Reflections from my Journal: Faith in His Goodness

Since I agreed to participate in Jen's challenge - despite the fact that in my current life situation it probably was not the smartest idea - I guess I have to write a post before midnight tonight! I am in the midst of final exams  (just survived one today, and have 4 more to go in the next four days) and have a tremendous amount of material to get through and a tremendous amount of stress over the exams that are still left. This quarter is a bit hard. It's an infamous quarter among pharmacy students. We are learning pharmacy law & ethics, as well as medicinal chemistry of cancer chemotherapy drugs, and pharmacotherapeutics of infectious diseases (the big ones) i.e. HIV, STD's, Hepatitis, Organ Transplant associated infections, opportunistic infections and many, many, many, many, many others.
So since I already wasted enough time trying to find a good post in my draft folder to finish up, and since it's already close to 9pm, and since I have a clinical skills exam at 9:30am tomorrow, and since I have not yet started studying for it, I am just going to post another one of my series of "Reflections from my Journal," which were inspired by the diary of St. Faustina.

This one is from 10/17/2009. I guess you can call it 'A reflection from my last year of being a teenager.' It's relatively short but it shows a little bit of my spiritual struggles / development.

Faith in His Goodness

"I have not been having the greatest of days so far. I am lacking something. Peace. Hope. And I don't even know why exactly. There is no specific reason.  Maybe it's just everything all at once. I guess once in a while I have a day when only the negative things come to mind and then my mood becomes negative and my hope very subtle. Thank the Lord that He's given me enough wisdom through the holy spirit to finally be able to detect and distinguish Satan's voice in my head and my own "feelings" from the truth...from reality. I just have to keep telling myself that the devil is a liar and he attacks with his lies when you least expect it. He lies to me about my future, about Greg, about family, even about God. He wants me to have no hope - he wants me to lose control over my mind and spirit, he wants my bodily instincts, human feelings and tendencies to control my being, he wants me to be angry and self-centered and to have a bad attitude so I can not only offend God but so that I can go spread it and infect other people with it.

God - I figured out what is missing from my life lately. YOU. I excluded you from my daily routine the last couple of days and forgot that you are the only truth, hope love, mercy, and peace. There is no life without you living for physical and emotional pleasure and satisfaction isn't even called life. It's simply existing, being, having no purpose...It's being born only to die. Pleasures are temporary. Once you're bored with them, you have nothing. So Lord, I just wanted to apologize sincerely for my forgetfullness. There are times when I forget your promises, Your Goodness, Your Mercy...times when my vision gets so clouded by things of this world and lies of the evil one that I cannot see the TRUTH, the SUN, the Light that is behind those clouds. When one forgets these crucial things, there is no room for hope and room only for doubt. I don't mean doubt in your existence, but rather in Your Goodness. I will have to work on that.

I hope I can produce some better quality posts for the rest of the 7 posts in 7 days challenge. One can hope. As Jen suggested, I am trying to clean out the drafts folder, but this is the worst possible week for me to do it. Haha.

Oh, I just hope to God I don't have to pull an allnighter this week. I absolutely hate being awake int he middle of the night while hubby is in bed cuddling with a pillow, instead of with me.


Love, Aggie

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