Friday, May 23, 2014

7QT on loneliness, studying pharmacy, chemo man, lillies, and cardinals


It's been a rough week. And it's not even over yet. 100% studying & worrying, 0% hubby time (ok more like 80% studying, 15% cleaning out my closets just because that's what I do to avoid studying, 3% household chores, and 2% hubby time). Gee, I feel like I've been all alone all week. It's just me here. And the books. Oh. let's not forget the cat. The only one keeping me company all week long.

We're hoping this is our final push...and that Greg will start working days when June comes along. Hoping we can finally live on the same schedule instead of always complaining about not spending any time together and worrying that we're growing apart.




The one that always keeps me company
when I'm studying :-)
But you know what? I might have mentioned this before, but although spending 6 months of our first year of being married on completely opposite schedules has been pretty rough on me at times...I am now beginning to see the benefits of it...and just how it all fits into God's plan for our marriage. I have grown tremendously in my faith over this past year. Since throughout the year, I was always [physically] lonely, had no one to talk to or spend time with...I relied completely on God for everything. I started praying a lot more. I started talking to God a lot more. Just spontaneous conversations at random times during the day - those are the best ones. I started listening to Relevant Radio...which is seriously the best radio I have ever listened to (By the way, they have a free app..and it's great. Not only radio but prayers, archives of old shows, etc. It's probably my most used app right now...along with SportsTracker for my runs). Never going back to listening to junk again. Heck, their commercials are better to listen to than are most of the songs and other junk played on the popular secular radio stations. Every evening, as I'm cooking or washing dishes, even on my daily runs around the neighborhood, I'm always always listening...and being catechized. And I have learned so much more and grown so much more in my spiritual life. I feel so much more absorbed in God and our beautiful Catholic faith now. I used to always confess the same sins over and over again... I used to very often forget my morning and/or evening prayers because I was too tired or too lazy...or just quickly racing through them in 30 seconds to collect my brownie points with God. Well guess what? I haven't even noticed when the change happened in my life, but I now never ever ever miss morning or evening prayers...and I talk to God all day long. Being able to just freely talk about my worries and offer up my sufferings to God lifts such a heavy burden off my heart...whenever that burden is there. Even when my husband says or does something that gets on my nerves or disappoints me...I am gently reminded by God to NOT take it out on my husband...instead, God comforts me with His Presence and His promises. Living in and being conscious of God's presence so close (in our hearts) every day really transforms one's outlook on life. It kind of makes me feel invincible. Nothing can touch me, no one can hurt me...God is here, He sees, He knows, He hears my every prayer, every sigh...sees every tear.


Another reason why this opposite schedules challenge was totally God's plan for us is the fact that it really gave me a peaceful, quiet, empty house to be able to focus on studying for pharmacy school, as well as for prayer and reflection. My prayer life is transformed - definitely worth it. But also, the amount of studying and concentration that pharmacy school requires is great...and I needed all the peace and quiet time I could get to study and do well on my weekly exams. I cannot even imagine anymore how I would have studied if my husband was in fact home with me every afternoon and evening. I get distracted by the slightest thing (sometimes I think I have ADD...or at least some form of attention deficit...which, by the way, I think we all have, to some degree with all this technology we have) and having my husband by my side would definitely be a major source of distraction. I know this because when he is home on weekends now...I never get ANY work done. When he's here...I wanna be alongside him all the time...whether it is on the couch watching TV, or getting things done around the house, or cooking, or even helping him do yard work or work in the garage. I cannot for the life of me, sit in the house, separated from him, and concentrate on studying, when I know he's a few feet away. And yeah, God already knew that. God knows me better than I know myself. I would not have predicted that...but God knew...and that's why he separated us for a few months...truly for my own good.

This prayer came at the perfect time! From


This "trial of opposite schedules" was also a great learning experience for me. Through it, I really learned how to better deal with internal suffering (turn to God for comfort), how to deal with loneliness (turn to GOD for company), how to offer up my suffering, how to suffer in SILENCE (instead of always complaining and whining and stressing out my husband) and how to PERSEVERE in said suffering (as Jesus persevered while walking the hardest walk of His earthly life...up the mountain to Golgotha).

Personal conclusions from that experience:
  • STOP FREAKING OUT AND WORRYING (it offends God...because it shows that you don't trust Him)
    • self-discipline
    • perseverance
    • prayer life
    • closeness to God
    • trust in God
 ((I love writing in bullet points. The nerd in me is still in note-taking mode from the past 5 years of constant note taking [all in bulllet points] of college. And I could live my life off (bulleted) to do lists as well haha.))




Let us proceed.

So what else has been going on this past week?
Basically studying...and a whole lot of procrastinating by taking pictures of my cat everytime she blinks (as well as cleaning out closets and gardening). Let me just show you my lovely week of studying (outside in the beautiful weather, Thank GOD!) in pictures:

It felt great to be up bright and early in the morning, with a freshly brewed hot coffee, to studying outside in the beautiful weather.

The cardinal that visits us every single day (Cardinal = the "state" bird of Illinois...yes, you can get car license plates with this bird on them). I swear this is his favorite spot to sit and he has been sitting on our fence every single day for the past 2 weeks (we first spotted him 2 Sundays ago). He must like us, hehe.

"The cardinal is watching me." haha

This must be the birdy's wife. This is how a female cardinal bird looks. And she is always always there near him.

See, I told you! Mr. Cardinal on the left, Mrs. Cardinal on the right. Every single day!!!!!! They must be in love. They keep chasing each other.  Or the birds and the bees business LOL

 Oncology notes for Pharmacotherapeutics Final Exam

CHEMO MAN. This is what pharmacy/medical/nursing schools use to help students memorize the side effects of the most commonly used chemo regimens.

As I am taking beautiful, flawless notes...because I am actually trying...because this was my last therapeutics exam ever. I thought: might as well enjoy my note taking for the last time!

Writing and re writing (basically, consolidating) notes is how I get A's in pharmacy school! It really is! I hate reading hundreds and hundreds of pages of lecture notes the day before the exam. I'd rather read my few handwritten pages of notes with the most important concepts!


Tomorrow I get to bid farewell to pharm school!

Just kidding.

We have 3 "mandatory days of APPE orientations" right after Memorial Day (APPE = Advanced Pharmacy Practice Experience). Basically, mandatory orientations which I'm sure will include talks that tell us to dress professionally and behave professionally. Girls, that means no yoga pants, and no wearing tights as substitute for pants. And no 5 inch heels. And tattoos. And excessive piercings. And guys: iron your shirts! And shave. And be on time. Basically, do not embarrass yourself and your school, which you represent.

But no more final exams. EVER!

However, I have to now brace myself: ROTATIONS ARE COMING!
And I will soon have to start looking into residencies....since the application process opens in the fall.
And OH YEAH! Board/licensing exams next summer! I am thrillllled! Not. But I'm getting waaaaay ahead of myself here. For now I'm worry freeeeee! And I got plently of things to take care of around the house...things I have abandoned and ignored the past few months due to my neverending studying. Last summer as I finished my 2nd year of pharmacy school, even though that was the toughest year in pharm school, that feeling of freedom wasn't really there when I was done. Not just because I knew I had another year of school and another year of rotaitons. ..but I swear to you I barely even remember when and how the last quarter of 2nd year happened...because I was so busy wedding planning. I was waaaaay focused on bridal shower, and the wedding, and fixing up our house, and shopping for furniture, and my full time internship...that yeah..I didn't even notice it was summer. Not until the wedding day came and went...and we went on our honeymoon to finally breathe after all the stress. That's when all the lovely marriage bliss began.



 Promised to show you the "after" pictures of our first garden. 

(Finally got hubby to take a trip to Menards and buy some 2x4's and build me this lovely garden. The weather's been rough here so the plants are still in their early stages of growth. But it's all set now. All that's left to do is to let nature (God) do its wonders! And garden-fresh, pesticide-free veggies coming late summer 2014, hopefully. Should have red peppers, green peppers, peas, red beans, carrots, parsley, onions, cucumbers, and tomatoes. Oh...and strawberries. I also have a grapevine that my aunt gave me, planted in the corner of the yard...but not sure if anything will come of it because it looks dried up and kinda dead right now.

(Disclaimer on the pictures. I am a super duper gardening do not imitate what is presented in these pictures. Seek more professional advice instead! All my basic gardening knowledge comes from quick 5 minute phone conversations with my mom and youtube videos on how to plant/prune cucumbers. And if there is anything you see that I'm doing wrong, be so kind as to share your advice! Thanks!)

oh and will you look at my beautiful lillies!

Love, Agnes

As always, leave some love in the comments! :-)


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  2. My comments:
    * I also love using bullet points!
    * Writing and rewriting my notes condensing them down is exactly the way I study as well.
    * Chemo man is adorable - I am glad that he is helping you learn super important info.
    * I as sorry that this time of loneliness has been a struggle for you, but I am glad that with time and reflection you are seeing fruits from it. I felt that way about my last (truly awful) year of teaching.
    * Enjoy your break and your garden!

    1. We have a lot in common Ann-Marie! SERIOUSLY!!!! fellow nerds, bullet point lovers, etc etc haha

  3. I so feel you on the opposite schedule thing: it's so rough but I know we'll come out stronger with God's grace!

    1. Thanks Melody...I am so glad to know someone else is going through it and is understanding the grace that are coming from it.

  4. My husband and I are long distance right now...he has to work a few days a week in another state, so I understand how you're feeling! God give you the grace to get through it.

    1. doesn't it???? I hate being alone. I hate the distance that forms. But I'm fighting...and I'm learning...and everyting will be OKAY! God will pull us out of this. Sometimes the only way out is through! ;-)

  5. hello,Im satriani :) Im a student of Pharmacy too, in Bali Indonesia, I hope we can discuss more your Pharmacy College :)

  6. This was amazing... hope ur journey to christ is still contining wih ur husband by ur side :)