But I really need to prioritize this issue and address and change my late behavior. If I don't sit and think of a plan, of a strategy to change things around, my human / bodily habits and lack of self-control and self-discipline will drive my spirit nuts. As I let each day pass by in this state of passivity, laziness, and mediocrity, I am getting more and more agitated and less and less patient with myself. This is good though! I am on my way to making some big changes in my life! I know it. I cannot live and waste these precious God-given days by just being passive and average. I have a purpose to fulfill...I have a body and mind to discipline to achieve this purpose....I have people to take care of and to inspire in my life. I shall tolerate nothing less than EXCELLENCE in my studies and on rotations and I will be the best pharmacy student and wife and runner and intern and cook and blogger and Catholic I can.
There are waaaaaaay too many average people in the world. Ain't nobody got time for being average.
I have to pray and meditate upon the specific changes I want to make but all I know is that this time I will not let myself slip and fail. My last self-discipline undertaking (aka "8 week challenge" back in May-June) failed after about 3-4 weeks. I simply let myself slip and fall away from the good habits I established in my life....all simply due to a lack of SELF-DISCIPLINE.
I will have discipline and
I will make sacrifices and
I will do all of this for my Lord, offering everything to my Mighty Savior.
P.S. Lord, the other reason why I want to be an excellent student pharmacist and excellent future pharmacist is that this residency thing has really taken a hold of my heart...this clinical pharmacy position really feels like the perfect place for me...especially when combined with academia. I feel that that would be my dream job: clinical pharmacist / assistant professor of pharmacy. I really hope that this is Your Will for me and that this great "right" feeling is coming from You (that You put it there to let me know where to go...what to pursue...what Your path is for me). I hope I'm not just making this up in my head. I'm not sure what it is, but this gen med rotation gives me this great feeling of joy and peace in my heart...like clinical pharmacy (maybe even general medicine focused) is where I belong. At this point, I could certainly imagine doing that for the rest of my life versus working and being overworked at a retail pharmacy. (I have this strong feeling of motivation and the desire to excel on this rotation! I haven't felt this motivated in a long time....perhaps not ever)(By the way, here is where I wrote about my current rotation, Part 1 and Part 2). But Lord, what do I know? You know it all. I cannot rely just on my own feelings because feelings come and go...and feelings can sometimes be false or even come from the evil one. I can only hope that it is You who placed this desire in my heart. But Lord, You know me better than I know myself. You know what's best for our marriage and our future family. Whatever happens, wherever You take me, I thank You. Let Your Will be done.
Thrilled for another afternoon of
NERD excellent overachieving pharmacy student fun.
Leave some love in the comments for this poor, lonely pharmacy student who spends more time with her pharm notes and her cat than anything else combined. Haha. Just kidding, it's not that bad. I <3 studying pharmacy. [But seriously, sometimes I wonder if there is something wrong with me for enjoying reading and studying as much as I do. But I live a pretty normal life with a good balance of chores and activities and time well-spent with my husband....so don't worry about my sanity. I'm still sane...so far ;-) ]
Have a great day!