Monday, May 18, 2015

Double Blessed???

Hey, remember those posts where I spilled my soul and pondered about whether I should do a residency, or have a baby, or perhaps both? 

These posts:


And then the posts (Post #1, Post #2) about my long discernment process and about my vocation? 
And then the post announcing that I matched to a residency program?


Well...here now is the post announcing the other part of my vocation.

So to answer the question of: Residency? Baby? or All of the above?

Turns out it's ALL of the above!!!!! 
God gave it ALL to me!

I prayed. 

He answered.

Conclusion? Be careful what you pray for...because God might just answer :-)

No detailed comments right now as I am still in a deep state of shock and I absolutely do not believe this...(and it's still very early in the pregnancy and nobody knows except the co-creators hubby and God.............aaaaand now the whole internet). All I can tell you is that I burst into tears yesterday and I couldn't figure out whether those tears were due to extreme joy, surprise, sadness, or anxiety. My guess is, all of the above. My husband was absolutely thrilled and he tried to calm me down, because He knows this is a huge blessing but that it will not be easy for me. I am also very happy as I have been praying about this baby for such a long time and praying for God's will to be done no matter what it is.... but seeing that GOD gave me A RESIDENCY and wanted me to take that route for a year...I guess I didn't expect Him to also give me the other gift I've been dying to receive: a baby in my womb. Now is the time to not only trust that this was God's Will, but also that this was His Timing. It for sure is a trial of my faith and trust in God and His Goodness and Plan for my life.

IT FEELS PRETTY AWESOME TO KNOW THAT I HAVE A TEENY-TINY APPLE-SEED-SIZED BABY IN MY WOMB, flesh of my flesh and bone of my bones, with a unique soul created by GOD...but I AM KIND OF FREAKING OUT AND ANXIOUS ABOUT THE FUTURE BECAUSE I DID NOT EXPECT TO HAVE A BABY RIGHT SMACK IN THE MIDDLE OF RESIDENCY!!!!! My plan was to get pregnant in the fall and have the baby right after the end of residency, but this clearly was not God's plan.

I wasn't sure I was going to survive the intenseness of residency and I had the mindset (like all the other residents out there) that residency was going to be the primary FOCUS and SACRIFICE of my life for the next 12 months...but now from one day to the next, I am completely switching priorities. And now I have to survive residency while at the same time grow and deliver and care for a healthy baby. Is that even doable???????

Part of me is lifting up my hands screaming out "ALLELUJAH" in joy towards the heavens.
And another part of me is yelling with anger: "What were You thinking GOD?!?!?!" WHY NOW?!?!?

So in conclusion: I'm pregnant. And I'm starting residency in 4 weeks. And I have no idea where I am going, where God is taking me, how I will survive this. I cannot even imagine what the next 12 months will look like. For Goodness sake, I don't get maternity leave from residency...just a mere 10 personal days off!!! (*tears*) GOD, YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO WORK SOME MIRACLES IN MY LIFE OVER THE NEXT YEAR TO GET ME THROUGH THIS.  I don't know where I'm going, but I am blindly following His Plan for my life, because He has never before disappointed me and He has taken me to places I would never have reached without Him. I'm very, very scared and anxious, but I trust Him. He gave His life for me and therefore I am giving my life over to Him, and even though I don't know what I'm doing or where I'm going, I am ready to accept whatever comes...for everything that comes from Him is GOOD.

Anyways..

When is it appropriate to make my first pre-natal appointment? I do not even have an OB/GYN picked out and I have never gone to the doctor except when I needed school vaccinations and physicals...and I've obviously never been pregnant before, so needless to say I HAVE NO FREAKING IDEA WHAT I'M DOING. I am totally unprepared. (And my earthly mother lives 2 states away). Therefore any help and advice is appreciated (along with a "congratulations" or a "ARE YOU CRAZY AGNES?!)

Thanks!

P.S. Other than that...I am graduating pharmacy school on FRIDAY, studying for board exams, and now reading pregnancy books instead of pharmacy notes. 


Will be updating you more on this craziness that is my life soon! For right now, I am too overwhelmed at how blessed I am. Earning the noble titles of Doctor and Mother all in the same month! 

"Resident, pharmacist, mom! I will make you anything and everything you want...all at the same time" - says the Lord.

My response? No words are appropriate here but Mary's Words (her Fiat...her Yes to God) when her pregnancy was announced to her (and these are the words I have been pondering): "Behold, I am the handmaid of the Lord. May it be done to me according to your word." Or in Latin: "dixit autem Maria ecce ancilla Domini fiat mihi secundum verbum tuum et discessit ab illa angelus"



God Bless,

And don't forget to leave me advice...any kind of advice is appreciated. Oh, and if you have good recommendations for books/websites/ other helpful materials or info, that'd be wonderful.


- Agnes


23 comments:

  1. I'M SO EXCITED FOR YOU!!! This is such wonderful news! Congratulations! Wow and wow and wow. Just call the OB office and tell the, you are pregnant. They will tell you when to come in. It can be helpful to read up on what goes on at that first appointment because you will get a lot of information thrown at you. I'm really happy for you!

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    1. Thank you Ann-Marie! I'm excited as well but also nervous as a first time mom and knowing that I'm starting residency soon. I have always imagined being pregnant during residency, but never having the baby DURING, but rather after. This will be a challenge. But I'm sure God will supply all the graces I need to get through.

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  2. Oh my goodness! Many many many congratulations! I am so excited for you! Graduation, residency AND a baby? What a wonderful time of your life. I don't know if you have any morning sickness but make sure you get enough magnesium then a good carb/protein right before bed. (I liked string cheese and a half a cup of grapes.) The only book I would ever recommend is The Happiest Baby on the Block. Which I highly highly recommend! Oh I am so excited for you! What wonderful news, again congratulations. You are so blessed!

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    1. Oh, and MANY prayers for you and that sweet soul as well!! I also second the find an OB that is covered on the highest tier for insurance as long as you like them!

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    2. Thank you so much madeline! So far no morning sickness, but it may just be too early right now. Thanks for the advice and prayers. And yes, I called the insurance today and now I have to figure out which OB/GYN is in my HMO medical group so it'll be covered.

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  3. Mazel tov, m'dear!

    Remember that you are neither the first nor the last person to get pregnant during residency and God will guide your steps and how this all will go. I'd see who you have for OB/GYN on your insurance and call them to set up the appointment. They'll probably do a pelvic exam, take some blood to get a baseline, and give you 15,000 pamphlets. I'm guessing that you're an NFP type of girl so take in your charts. I'd also ask your mom about her pregnancy because often the mother's pregnancy can provide information on how the daughter's pregnancy will go. (Believe me, I speak from personal experience.)

    Oh yes, here's a list of providers who are NFP-friendly if that's important for you: http://onemoresoul.com/nfp_by_spec/Obstetrics-Gynecology

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    1. Yes, I am an NFP girl for sure. Just going to admit, I have been really bad at charting and following NFP (read: breaking lots of rules) for the past year or so....I just wanted to give God more of a free hand. And we are now seeing the fruits of that, haha! Thank you for the list of NFP docs, I do have to pic a OB/GYN that my HMO covers, but I will see if any of them are ones that my insurance covers.

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  4. Awwww :D wonderful news! Congratulations! :D
    (no advice from me, i'm as clueless as you :D)

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    1. it's good to know there are other clueless people out there, haha :-)

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  5. First of all, a huge CONGRATULATIONS! On residency and baby! God knows the big picture, and He has all this perfectly planned out. Think of all the adventures you'll be able to tell this sweet baby about, that both of you were on residency together. I will be praying! :-)

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    1. Yes, please please pray because the more I think about it, the more I worry about how I'm going to survive this. Trusting God is not easy. But I'm really TRYING here. Prayers are definitely appreciated, will pray for you as well my dear Lianna!!

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  6. Congratulations!!! We like the the Dr. Sears books with pregnancy and attachment parenting. For when the child is a bit older we like Dr. Ray Gaurendi, a Catholic psychologist with lots of books and a radio show.

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  7. And isn't He so wonderful about fulfilling the desires of our hearts??

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    1. Yes He is...Most of the time I think He's TOO GOOD TO ME.

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  8. A wonderful blogger, Leila, at likemotherlikedaughter.org, has AMAZING advice, so kind and practical.

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    1. Thank you for the recommendations Lori!

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  9. I've been following your blog for a while now. I'm a Catholic pharmacy student too! I just graduated on Saturday and I'll be starting my residency in 4 weeks too--what are the odds! Anyway I had my RxPrep book open and I was watching the lecture videos I just purchased. Right as I was hearing, "Okay now let's talk about ovulation" I decided I was going to distract myself by going over to your blog. Lo and behold I see this post. Had to share because I just thought it was the wildest coincidence. Congratulations! I'll be sending prayers your way.

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    1. That is awesome B!!! It does seem like the wildest coincidence but remember that nothing is a coincidence in God's plan :-) That is so awesome that another fellow Catholic and fellow pharmacist student AND fellow pharmacy resident is following along my journey on my blog. Stay in touch...I'd love to hear about your residency experiences later on down the line! God bless!!!!!!!

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  10. Yeah! So happy for you on all counts: baby, graduation, and residency! In addition to the nfp website, I found a good doc from fertilitycare.org which is the Creighton method site, but also lists other nfp practitioners. From my experience, I prefer an nfp friendly doc because I think they approach your care more respectfully, but my current doc is just a very kind,smart Christian lady who understands my wishes with regard to no bc and doesn't bother me about it. Ask around and see where your friends go.

    Btw, my sister in law has had all three of her kids during med school and residency and was able to work out an extended leave of absence each time. This had prolonged the process for her, but has allowed her to be home more with her kids. God bless you!

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    1. Thanks for the advice and encouragement Ellen!

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  11. Congratulations! And know you are in my prayers, this will be such an exciting year, but try to take it one day at a time as much as you can, God will give you the grace to get through TODAY, sometimes it's the thinking about next week, next month, next year that causes panic and stress, But by the time we get to that Next whatever, HE will be there with us and we will have grown and learned and matured, so don't worry now about alll the "what ifs" then.
    I am going to put a little plug for looking into midwifery care for your pregnancy, atleast know it is an option and look into it a little bit to see if it would be a good fit for you, I'm getting ready for my third birth with midwives in September and just can't say enough good things about the dedication and personal professional expert care I have received from these women who specialize in low risk healthy pregnancy and delivery, so I suggest you look into it a little bit. I also suggest the book http://www.amazon.com/Catholic-Mothers-Companion-Pregnancy-Catholicmom-Com/dp/1594712980

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  12. Ahh congratulations on your many accomplishments and newest little blessing!!! God has carried you this far, so continue to give Him permission to carry you the rest of the way. You continue to be in my prayers.

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  13. Congratulations! I get behind on reading on your blog for a few days and I miss such big news! I'm sure that even though you feel clueless you will be a great mother because the fact that you worry about such things is a sign that you will always strive to be the best for your children. For a fun blog with lots of fun ideas for catholic children I highly recommend http://www.catholicicing.com... I know it's way too soon to really use a lot of the ideas but it's a nice one to file away. As far as mommy blogs I like The Busy Budgeting Mama. I think this May be helpful as well: http://www.babycenter.com/pregnant-now-what. I'm not a mom myself (I just turned 19) but I have two much younger brothers and I am super involved in their upbringing as I commute to college and I learned a lot during my moms pregnancies. Babies are so great! You really are double blessed!!

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