And then the post announcing that I matched to a residency program?
Well...here now is the post announcing the other part of my vocation.
So to answer the question of: Residency? Baby? or All of the above?
Turns out it's ALL of the above!!!!!
God gave it ALL to me!
God gave it ALL to me!
Conclusion? Be careful what you pray for...because God might just answer :-)
No detailed comments right now as I am still in a deep state of shock and I absolutely do not believe this...(and it's still very early in the pregnancy and nobody knows except the co-creators hubby and God.............aaaaand now the whole internet). All I can tell you is that I burst into tears yesterday and I couldn't figure out whether those tears were due to extreme joy, surprise, sadness, or anxiety. My guess is, all of the above. My husband was absolutely thrilled and he tried to calm me down, because He knows this is a huge blessing but that it will not be easy for me. I am also very happy as I have been praying about this baby for such a long time and praying for God's will to be done no matter what it is.... but seeing that GOD gave me A RESIDENCY and wanted me to take that route for a year...I guess I didn't expect Him to also give me the other gift I've been dying to receive: a baby in my womb. Now is the time to not only trust that this was God's Will, but also that this was His Timing. It for sure is a trial of my faith and trust in God and His Goodness and Plan for my life.
IT FEELS PRETTY AWESOME TO KNOW THAT I HAVE A TEENY-TINY APPLE-SEED-SIZED BABY IN MY WOMB, flesh of my flesh and bone of my bones, with a unique soul created by GOD...but I AM KIND OF FREAKING OUT AND ANXIOUS ABOUT THE FUTURE BECAUSE I DID NOT EXPECT TO HAVE A BABY RIGHT SMACK IN THE MIDDLE OF RESIDENCY!!!!! My plan was to get pregnant in the fall and have the baby right after the end of residency, but this clearly was not God's plan.
I wasn't sure I was going to survive the intenseness of residency and I had the mindset (like all the other residents out there) that residency was going to be the primary FOCUS and SACRIFICE of my life for the next 12 months...but now from one day to the next, I am completely switching priorities. And now I have to survive residency while at the same time grow and deliver and care for a healthy baby. Is that even doable???????
Part of me is lifting up my hands screaming out "ALLELUJAH" in joy towards the heavens.
And another part of me is yelling with anger: "What were You thinking GOD?!?!?!" WHY NOW?!?!?
So in conclusion: I'm pregnant. And I'm starting residency in 4 weeks. And I have no idea where I am going, where God is taking me, how I will survive this. I cannot even imagine what the next 12 months will look like. For Goodness sake, I don't get maternity leave from residency...just a mere 10 personal days off!!! (*tears*) GOD, YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO WORK SOME MIRACLES IN MY LIFE OVER THE NEXT YEAR TO GET ME THROUGH THIS. I don't know where I'm going, but I am blindly following His Plan for my life, because He has never before disappointed me and He has taken me to places I would never have reached without Him. I'm very, very scared and anxious, but I trust Him. He gave His life for me and therefore I am giving my life over to Him, and even though I don't know what I'm doing or where I'm going, I am ready to accept whatever comes...for everything that comes from Him is GOOD.
When is it appropriate to make my first pre-natal appointment? I do not even have an OB/GYN picked out and I have never gone to the doctor except when I needed school vaccinations and physicals...and I've obviously never been pregnant before, so needless to say I HAVE NO FREAKING IDEA WHAT I'M DOING. I am totally unprepared. (And my earthly mother lives 2 states away). Therefore any help and advice is appreciated (along with a "congratulations" or a "ARE YOU CRAZY AGNES?!)
P.S. Other than that...I am graduating pharmacy school on FRIDAY, studying for board exams, and now reading pregnancy books instead of pharmacy notes.
Will be updating you more on this craziness that is my life soon! For right now, I am too overwhelmed at how blessed I am. Earning the noble titles of Doctor and Mother all in the same month!
"Resident, pharmacist, mom! I will make you anything and everything you want...all at the same time" - says the Lord.
My response? No words are appropriate here but Mary's Words (her Fiat...her Yes to God) when her pregnancy was announced to her (and these are the words I have been pondering): "Behold, I am the handmaid of the Lord. May it be done to me according to your word." Or in Latin: "dixit autem Maria ecce ancilla Domini fiat mihi secundum verbum tuum et discessit ab illa angelus"
And don't forget to leave me advice...any kind of advice is appreciated. Oh, and if you have good recommendations for books/websites/ other helpful materials or info, that'd be wonderful.